It's really shocking how easily people can be blinded from the rest of the world simply by the few things going on around their immediate vicinity. For example, for most college students, it is finals week... otherwise known as hell week... and for good reason. On a side note, I must say that I think it is pretty stupid how your entire semester's worth of effort can be dependent on a single exam at the end of it all, but that is besides the point. So, like most college students, I am currently in the midst of studying for my finals. And I cannot lie, it is a very stressful experience. Not because I have so much work, but just the weight of these exams... the fact that my passing or failing a class depends almost entirely on these one or two exams. Now, as I study for these exams, I get stressed out, depressed (mildly), bummed out, annoyed, tired, etc. And while coping with all of these emotions, I have turned a blind eye to the one thing that brings me peace and joy: Jesus. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" (Proverbs 16:3). I've forgotten this... while furiously trying to scrap together the leftover information in my tired brain, I've come to realize that I was missing the key element that was supposed to be driving me through these finals in glorious light! I often found myself wondering... "what's the point in studying for these stupid finals? What am I supposed to learn from this?" and I still do feel bitter and angry towards finals; however, I have come to realize that all that I do is for God. My being able to study is a privilege and I need to take full advantage of that. Too bad it's nearing the "too late" point in deciding to pick it up, but it's never too late to try.
At this point, my brain is shutting off... I am so out of it and my brain is so tired that it can't really seem to function all too well anymore. I'm just rotting away (or at least that is what I feel like). I wonder if any of the information I just studied is staying in my brain and actually remaining there for good. Will this be another fail? God... just don't give me another D. I can't afford it you know? I mean, unless I'm meant to get kicked out... I just don't know what else to do but beg that you won't give me a D. Just let me graduate please... Who would have thought that I would be saying that? I used to be the kid that worried he wouldn't graduate as Valedictorian... now I'm begging desperately to just graduate... Oh how far I've stooped. It's actually kind of sad and depressing... so let's move onto other things!
Once Thursday hits... I will be done. I will simply enjoy the fact that I am free and able to do whatever the crap I want to do. Nothing will hold me back from letting loose and having fun. I hope the weather lets up so that I can at least go take some pictures and enjoy my last few days spent here in Boston before I head home for a long summer.
Anyways, back to the problem set :) Toodles!
P.S. I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I am so grateful for. Countless times, she has helped me pull through tough situations even with just small words of encouragement. Thank you Christine for being such a faithful woman of God and helping me open my eyes to the light of Christ! I really am so thankful that God has placed you into my life... you've been such a great friend to me throughout our time here at college but there is too much to thank you for, so I will end it at that.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Since when...?
I completely forgot that I even have this blog. But Christine kindly reminded me by telling me to write in the blog. But it's hard because I don't really have much going through my mind right now... or at least I can't really solidify my thoughts. But here goes on some random rambling...
So, I'm starting to realize that being in a relationship really makes you think a lot more. Things that I would normally brush off or disregard, or things that naturally wouldn't even come across my mind start to come up. And now that I think a whole lot more, I started to realize how easily I can be influenced. Isn't it funny how the little things, the small words are the ones that take you away? A simple "I miss you" or "Hi" can bring new meaning into your life. It's almost sad how much people cling onto those words... and the lengths that people go through in order for those words to become a part of their lives. People actually lose their sense of dignity and pride over those words... But I think one's longing for those words to be a part of of their lives is important under one condition: who are these words coming from? For example, if someone you are not too fond of comes by and says "I miss you", then it means little to nothing, but when your significant other or someone who is important/dear to you says those very same words, they bring joy and bliss into your life. So it's not just the words that carry the weight... it's the person that carries the weight of those words. Now, in light of this, you can also note that by seeing who's words affect you the most, you can also narrow done the people that mean the most to you. When you find yourself longing to hear such words from a person, you can pretty much tell that that person is of importance to you for whatever reason.
But with that in mind, it begs the question: "Why don't we have the same longing for God?" Why don't God's words make us long in the same way? I think it's because His words are so consistent. We get sick of consistency. We long for it all the time but we get so sick of consistency... we get tired of it, bored of it... which is why so many relationships fail after only a few months. So the fact of the matter is, we get bored of God's words... His promises... which is surprising because God is the ultimate romantic. So is there no hope? Do we simply continue living out our lives thinking that all is hopeless? Well, I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason behind our lack of desire for God is because, we don't truly understand the significance of consistency... of solidity. And I think that comes from the lack of understanding of eternity... the inability to comprehend what it means for His love to be steadfast. If we could even grasp a fraction of His steadfast love (essentially grasping the infinite), then we would be able to see why His love is such a big deal. Which I think is why God often challenges us... because we are insatiable beings because we cannot understand or comprehend the vastness of His love. So God brings challenges into our lives, so that we have something that is changing and constantly reminding us that we are in need of perfection and consistency. To remind us that His consistent love is the one thing that will bring true joy into our lives. Strange huh?
On a totally random note, I just finished the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. It was not as great as Tuesdays with Morrie but it was an interesting book nonetheless. One thing that irked me about the book though was the fact that it wasn't necessarily a Christian book. It spoke of Heaven so easily and for some reason, I felt bothered that Heaven was being described in such a way, especially because God/Jesus played little to no role at all in the book. Heaven is supposed to be all about Jesus. Now, I know it's not a Christian book... but the concept just irked me I guess... Some of the points were interesting though. It had a lot to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and of others. I think one thing people often overlook is forgiveness of self. In the book, one of the main points was that the main character lived a very mundane (if not seemingly pointless) life and he blames it all on certain events in his life... but essentially it all boils down to his inability to forgive himself... which leads to problems in the family and in his own love life. And as he is in Heaven, he learns to deal with his inner struggles and find peace within himself by learning to forgive himself for all the things he blamed himself for because everything happens with a purpose. Everything (every action, event, etc.) is intertwined in this huge web called Life. And every "mistake" was intentional... It's all an interesting concept...
Again on a random note, I watched Avengers today with all my friends (great times!) and not gonna lie, it was an amazing! movie. One of the best times I've had watching a movie... the action was great and the story line was fun. It "tickles" your inner child and makes you wish you were a superhero again. If I were to choose to be one of the Avengers, I would be Iron Man... relatively realistic with really cool supernatural twist... It almost seems attainable hahahaha.
Studying for finals has been on an all time low. It doesn't really help that I don't feel any pressure at all regarding academics... I find no reason to do well on these exams because I feel like I've learned the concepts and I don't really want to prove myself to anybody... I just want to move on with my life and learn new things. But, as with everything in this world, you need to prove yourself... and so I study... with very mild purpose in mind.
I've taken a liking towards classical music again. It's making me feel nostalgic about my classical music days. Something about classical music just excites the brain and really stimulates learning. It almost seems to stimulate life, especially the piano. I love classical piano. My dream would be to go to classical piano recital... a professional one... like at Boston Symphony Hall.
Anyways, time to sleep and dream on about life after finals. :) Good night world.
(I wonder if people still read my blog)...
So, I'm starting to realize that being in a relationship really makes you think a lot more. Things that I would normally brush off or disregard, or things that naturally wouldn't even come across my mind start to come up. And now that I think a whole lot more, I started to realize how easily I can be influenced. Isn't it funny how the little things, the small words are the ones that take you away? A simple "I miss you" or "Hi" can bring new meaning into your life. It's almost sad how much people cling onto those words... and the lengths that people go through in order for those words to become a part of their lives. People actually lose their sense of dignity and pride over those words... But I think one's longing for those words to be a part of of their lives is important under one condition: who are these words coming from? For example, if someone you are not too fond of comes by and says "I miss you", then it means little to nothing, but when your significant other or someone who is important/dear to you says those very same words, they bring joy and bliss into your life. So it's not just the words that carry the weight... it's the person that carries the weight of those words. Now, in light of this, you can also note that by seeing who's words affect you the most, you can also narrow done the people that mean the most to you. When you find yourself longing to hear such words from a person, you can pretty much tell that that person is of importance to you for whatever reason.
But with that in mind, it begs the question: "Why don't we have the same longing for God?" Why don't God's words make us long in the same way? I think it's because His words are so consistent. We get sick of consistency. We long for it all the time but we get so sick of consistency... we get tired of it, bored of it... which is why so many relationships fail after only a few months. So the fact of the matter is, we get bored of God's words... His promises... which is surprising because God is the ultimate romantic. So is there no hope? Do we simply continue living out our lives thinking that all is hopeless? Well, I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason behind our lack of desire for God is because, we don't truly understand the significance of consistency... of solidity. And I think that comes from the lack of understanding of eternity... the inability to comprehend what it means for His love to be steadfast. If we could even grasp a fraction of His steadfast love (essentially grasping the infinite), then we would be able to see why His love is such a big deal. Which I think is why God often challenges us... because we are insatiable beings because we cannot understand or comprehend the vastness of His love. So God brings challenges into our lives, so that we have something that is changing and constantly reminding us that we are in need of perfection and consistency. To remind us that His consistent love is the one thing that will bring true joy into our lives. Strange huh?
On a totally random note, I just finished the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. It was not as great as Tuesdays with Morrie but it was an interesting book nonetheless. One thing that irked me about the book though was the fact that it wasn't necessarily a Christian book. It spoke of Heaven so easily and for some reason, I felt bothered that Heaven was being described in such a way, especially because God/Jesus played little to no role at all in the book. Heaven is supposed to be all about Jesus. Now, I know it's not a Christian book... but the concept just irked me I guess... Some of the points were interesting though. It had a lot to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and of others. I think one thing people often overlook is forgiveness of self. In the book, one of the main points was that the main character lived a very mundane (if not seemingly pointless) life and he blames it all on certain events in his life... but essentially it all boils down to his inability to forgive himself... which leads to problems in the family and in his own love life. And as he is in Heaven, he learns to deal with his inner struggles and find peace within himself by learning to forgive himself for all the things he blamed himself for because everything happens with a purpose. Everything (every action, event, etc.) is intertwined in this huge web called Life. And every "mistake" was intentional... It's all an interesting concept...
Again on a random note, I watched Avengers today with all my friends (great times!) and not gonna lie, it was an amazing! movie. One of the best times I've had watching a movie... the action was great and the story line was fun. It "tickles" your inner child and makes you wish you were a superhero again. If I were to choose to be one of the Avengers, I would be Iron Man... relatively realistic with really cool supernatural twist... It almost seems attainable hahahaha.
Studying for finals has been on an all time low. It doesn't really help that I don't feel any pressure at all regarding academics... I find no reason to do well on these exams because I feel like I've learned the concepts and I don't really want to prove myself to anybody... I just want to move on with my life and learn new things. But, as with everything in this world, you need to prove yourself... and so I study... with very mild purpose in mind.
I've taken a liking towards classical music again. It's making me feel nostalgic about my classical music days. Something about classical music just excites the brain and really stimulates learning. It almost seems to stimulate life, especially the piano. I love classical piano. My dream would be to go to classical piano recital... a professional one... like at Boston Symphony Hall.
Anyways, time to sleep and dream on about life after finals. :) Good night world.
(I wonder if people still read my blog)...
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
When there’s an elephant in the room introduce him...
“The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. ”
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”
“When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.”
“Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress. When you’re pissed off at someone and you’re angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they almost always will impress you.”
“A lot of people want a shortcut. I find the best shortcut is the long way, which is basically two words: work hard.”
“Find the best in everybody. Wait long enough, and people will surprise and impress you. It might even take years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting.”
“Find the best in everybody. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out.”
“The person who failed often knows how to avoid future failures. The person who knows only success can be more oblivious to all the pitfalls.”
He was a wise man. So eager to always be finding the good things in life. I guess that's what a true optimist is. (Randy Pausch)
Sunday, March 25, 2012
always a first
I'm not big on posting things like this up on the internet, but it was a good day so I couldn't resist. Went to Mr. Bartley's Burger joint and ate some delicious burgers.... We happened to get seated next to a sign that said "Men, That was my first mistake" (top right) and she thought it was the perfect sign for us HAHA - a sign from God. Then took her to Crema Cafe and I got the regular Cappuccino (kind of like an overpriced coffee) and Christine got the Red Crema (most delicious drink ever!). Had a nice little chit chat and then headed over to Sweets to get some cupcakes. The End.
Can I just say, that this was one of the most stress-relieving and fun days I've had in a long time (with the exception of the DC trip... love yall). Really felt like I had some genuine fun and praise God for keeping the weather pretty okay! Really... I am craving the Red Crema... but it will come another day. Thanks Christine for today! Youda Best.
But other than that, today was a pretty tiring day... spent all day running around doing things and trying to finish homework, but turns out, I didn't finish it. Sad times... but almost done and will have to spend majority of tomorrow finishing it all up. Can't wait... But really, praise God for today.
"May I seek you daily, in all that I do so that You are glorified and lifted up in all things. May I even offer my relationships, my academics and my future up to you and acknowledge the truth that You have great things in store for me and You will provide for me in all things. So keep my eyes on You. Keep my heart longing for You. My flesh cries out for the world but my soul longs for You and only You. May you remember that my soul longs for you and that You have separated me from my flesh. Let me be blameless in Your sight and continue to live in Your redemption and grace."
Saturday, March 24, 2012
problem sets
problem sets drive me crazy. You think you know the material after you walk out of lectures... and actually... you actually feel like you learned something that day. And then you start the problem set. I feel like everything that I thought I once knew becomes a lie and nothing on the problem set makes sense. Math becomes twisted... concepts don't exist... and worst of all! You can never seem to find the things you need to find in your notes. I swear, I saw it during lecture and then it just doesn't exist... I scourge through my notes and find that I am utterly lost. I have NOTHING.
I am currently working on my Thermodynamics Problem Set... (I just finished my Control Systems one and praise the Lord for comprehensible problem sets in that class)... and I just needed a break. There are so few concepts that we have learned so far... and yet somehow, it seems like there is a butt load of information hidden and stored away in each problem. Each word means something... there are subtle clues that I have just not gotten a hold of. There are minor differences in systems and those minor differences leads to huge mathematical leaps... I just can't seem to put 2 and 2 together...
I wish that I was able to manage my time a little better. Honestly, there are plenty of times when my outside life really inconveniences me because I always follow a strict schedule. And I am usually limited on time... (a lot of times because I procrastinate.... or "rest" as I like to call it). I need to just stop "resting" so much and just get started on my homework assignments a lot earlier. I could have done this ridiculous lab report over Spring Break... but then, who wants to do work over Spring Break?!... so, I didn't touch it once. If I didn't have to write this wretched lab report, my life would be exponentially easier at this point. But I just never look ahead and always leave things for the last minute. Why? WHY do I do this to myself? I don't know... and yet, I will continue on doing it for a very long time (if not forever) and it will be the end of me. Someday, I will grasp this and learn to do things a lot earlier than they are due instead of scrambling to finish things last minute. I remember seeing a quote: "If you do something last minute, it only takes a minute to finish it"... so true. HAHA but obviously, the twist is... you're probably not going to get a very good grade at all. What I find hardest to do in college, is to deny hanging out. It gets easier as we get older (mostly because we're always so tired), but it really is very difficult to say "no" to hanging out. We know that "we'll only hang out for an hour or two..." turns into three to four hours.... and "I'll do it after this movie" turns into doing it the next day or the day after... in the end, we are all just procrastinating. I realize. It is 5AM... I am tired as hell... have not gotten too much sleep lately and will not be getting a lot of sleep tomorrow. (Sorry Weeny, I know you're sleeping so you're not gonna be tired... but guess I'll be purty tired tomorrow). I hate waking up early to do something on the weekends unless it's something fun. Especially when it requires me to leave the room. Stuvi2 is so comfortable and it is so easy to get lost in here. I have grown accustomed to this lifestyle and I love being in my room. Even on a nice day, I find myself admiring from the inside (yeah, it's sad) but it's pleasant. Okay, time for bed. I am falling asleep as I write this. Good night world.
I am currently working on my Thermodynamics Problem Set... (I just finished my Control Systems one and praise the Lord for comprehensible problem sets in that class)... and I just needed a break. There are so few concepts that we have learned so far... and yet somehow, it seems like there is a butt load of information hidden and stored away in each problem. Each word means something... there are subtle clues that I have just not gotten a hold of. There are minor differences in systems and those minor differences leads to huge mathematical leaps... I just can't seem to put 2 and 2 together...
I wish that I was able to manage my time a little better. Honestly, there are plenty of times when my outside life really inconveniences me because I always follow a strict schedule. And I am usually limited on time... (a lot of times because I procrastinate.... or "rest" as I like to call it). I need to just stop "resting" so much and just get started on my homework assignments a lot earlier. I could have done this ridiculous lab report over Spring Break... but then, who wants to do work over Spring Break?!... so, I didn't touch it once. If I didn't have to write this wretched lab report, my life would be exponentially easier at this point. But I just never look ahead and always leave things for the last minute. Why? WHY do I do this to myself? I don't know... and yet, I will continue on doing it for a very long time (if not forever) and it will be the end of me. Someday, I will grasp this and learn to do things a lot earlier than they are due instead of scrambling to finish things last minute. I remember seeing a quote: "If you do something last minute, it only takes a minute to finish it"... so true. HAHA but obviously, the twist is... you're probably not going to get a very good grade at all. What I find hardest to do in college, is to deny hanging out. It gets easier as we get older (mostly because we're always so tired), but it really is very difficult to say "no" to hanging out. We know that "we'll only hang out for an hour or two..." turns into three to four hours.... and "I'll do it after this movie" turns into doing it the next day or the day after... in the end, we are all just procrastinating. I realize. It is 5AM... I am tired as hell... have not gotten too much sleep lately and will not be getting a lot of sleep tomorrow. (Sorry Weeny, I know you're sleeping so you're not gonna be tired... but guess I'll be purty tired tomorrow). I hate waking up early to do something on the weekends unless it's something fun. Especially when it requires me to leave the room. Stuvi2 is so comfortable and it is so easy to get lost in here. I have grown accustomed to this lifestyle and I love being in my room. Even on a nice day, I find myself admiring from the inside (yeah, it's sad) but it's pleasant. Okay, time for bed. I am falling asleep as I write this. Good night world.
Friday, March 23, 2012
redundancy
they say that doing the same thing over and over again without success is called madness... if this is true, then has the world gone mad? We live in a world where redundancy and consistency is "worshiped" or even revered. If you are a person that can live strong for many years in a consistent manner, then you are good. But this is such a flawed philosophy... I feel like the intentions are good but the truth of the matter is... we are people, and we screw up every good idea out there just by human nature.
So, we think that having this sort of mindset will keep us living consistent lives... and that is true, but there is one thing that a lot of people seem to forget... or they just push it off to the side as if it doesn't matter because they are scared..... and that is the bad habits. The bad consistency. The things in life that you wish were inconsistent. When you pick up bad habits... you often find yourself not even wanting to continue living life with those bad habits. You find yourself getting annoyed at how you feel like you are at the mercy of those bad habits. And so, our pre-conditioned nature to be consistent kicks in and so we start keeping our bad tendencies consistent... which ultimately builds it up into a habit. And habits. are. hard. to. break.
I find myself in this situation. I've got this nagging bad habit of mine and I really want to stop it. But, as I said before... bad habits are hard to get rid of. They take time... they take revealing... they take a lot of patience. It takes a lot of help from people around you to keep you aware of those bad habits or to prevent you from performing those bad habits. But it also takes a lot of prayer. Prayer for strength to help you live on and be consistent in fighting the bad. In the end, it all falls down to ratios. What is the ratio of good to bad? And most importantly... what is the ratio of "fighting the bad" to "doing nothing". Doing nothing equates to giving up. And the last thing you wanna do... is give up. or else we become consistent in that, and that will definitely lead us to our deaths a lot quicker than we may expect.
So, we think that having this sort of mindset will keep us living consistent lives... and that is true, but there is one thing that a lot of people seem to forget... or they just push it off to the side as if it doesn't matter because they are scared..... and that is the bad habits. The bad consistency. The things in life that you wish were inconsistent. When you pick up bad habits... you often find yourself not even wanting to continue living life with those bad habits. You find yourself getting annoyed at how you feel like you are at the mercy of those bad habits. And so, our pre-conditioned nature to be consistent kicks in and so we start keeping our bad tendencies consistent... which ultimately builds it up into a habit. And habits. are. hard. to. break.
I find myself in this situation. I've got this nagging bad habit of mine and I really want to stop it. But, as I said before... bad habits are hard to get rid of. They take time... they take revealing... they take a lot of patience. It takes a lot of help from people around you to keep you aware of those bad habits or to prevent you from performing those bad habits. But it also takes a lot of prayer. Prayer for strength to help you live on and be consistent in fighting the bad. In the end, it all falls down to ratios. What is the ratio of good to bad? And most importantly... what is the ratio of "fighting the bad" to "doing nothing". Doing nothing equates to giving up. And the last thing you wanna do... is give up. or else we become consistent in that, and that will definitely lead us to our deaths a lot quicker than we may expect.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
timeless
Just finished watching Apollo 13... and seriously, what an incredible movie. Engineers really are amazing... people really are amazing...
On a side note... decisions really play a big part in life huh... That sounds like such a "duh" statement, but I don't think people really understand the weight of a decision. It's so easy for us to live our lives as though every bad decision we make will end up in a redeeming point at some later point... but sometimes, that just doesn't happen. Sometimes, we need to deal with the bad decisions of our lives... But who is to say what is a bad decision and what is a good decision? There is that thing called a "wise decision" and people often consider a good and wise decision to be synonymous. But I don't think they are... a wise decision is always a good decision, but a good decision is not always a wise one. Sometimes... the good choices in life, were done in an unwise manner.
I wonder... can this be applied to my life? Can my near-spontaneous decisions be considered good decisions? I feel like by constantly living to try making wise decisions... I live in a lot of fear... I live fearful of making mistakes... sometimes, it's the mistakes that help you grow. Yeah sure, people get hurt through mistakes and I'm at risk of getting hurt by my own mistakes... but as someone said once: "What and If: two words as simple as any other words, but when put together they have the potential to make us rue the rest of or lives."
So is it better to make the "wiser" decision or is it better to sometimes take the risk so that I can live life without any regrets? Not to say that wisdom is useless and it is not helpful... but I also think there is wisdom behind knowing when to make the "wise" decisions and when to make the "good" decisions. Doing the "wiser" thing doesn't make you a wise person...
Do I sound crazy? Well, these are my thoughts. And opinions aren't meant for refining... otherwise we'd all be the same person... and that's a pretty cruddy life.
On a side note... decisions really play a big part in life huh... That sounds like such a "duh" statement, but I don't think people really understand the weight of a decision. It's so easy for us to live our lives as though every bad decision we make will end up in a redeeming point at some later point... but sometimes, that just doesn't happen. Sometimes, we need to deal with the bad decisions of our lives... But who is to say what is a bad decision and what is a good decision? There is that thing called a "wise decision" and people often consider a good and wise decision to be synonymous. But I don't think they are... a wise decision is always a good decision, but a good decision is not always a wise one. Sometimes... the good choices in life, were done in an unwise manner.
I wonder... can this be applied to my life? Can my near-spontaneous decisions be considered good decisions? I feel like by constantly living to try making wise decisions... I live in a lot of fear... I live fearful of making mistakes... sometimes, it's the mistakes that help you grow. Yeah sure, people get hurt through mistakes and I'm at risk of getting hurt by my own mistakes... but as someone said once: "What and If: two words as simple as any other words, but when put together they have the potential to make us rue the rest of or lives."
So is it better to make the "wiser" decision or is it better to sometimes take the risk so that I can live life without any regrets? Not to say that wisdom is useless and it is not helpful... but I also think there is wisdom behind knowing when to make the "wise" decisions and when to make the "good" decisions. Doing the "wiser" thing doesn't make you a wise person...
Do I sound crazy? Well, these are my thoughts. And opinions aren't meant for refining... otherwise we'd all be the same person... and that's a pretty cruddy life.
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