Home sweet Home?

I'm finally home for the summer... My first summer ever in NYC... I'm having loads of mixed feelings about my summer her in NY but I have plenty of goals for this summer:

1. Learn Drums
2. Make Money
3. Read LOTS of Books
4. Learn C++
5. Write at least 5 songs
6. Help out at MBS (home church)
7. Study for the GREs
8. Take tons of pictures and hone my skill
9. Hang out with Christine as much as possible
10. Learn more cooking dishes
11. Keep working out
12. Continue studying the Word and re-establishing a firm relationship with Christ (getting out of this complacent phase)
13. Longboard as much as possible!

There's definitely more that I just can't think of right now. I really want to accomplish all of this... but I'm going to need a lot of time to get all of this down... can't be wasting a lot of time. Gotta make sure I'm staying on top of my studies for the GREs... Can't be slacking off at all. We'll see how all of this goes.

I'm kind of feeling bummed about being home.. I feel like all the action is happening over at Boston and I want to be a part of it... God give me patience and perseverance!!

Love never ends...

"Love never ends...." (1 Corinthians 13:8)

Love never ends... Love is patient, kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing; but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...

God made a promise to His people... because He loves us. That concept was always so abstract to me and it still is, but God is Love. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things... God endures all things. God never ends. God is my everything. He is my all. He is the beginning, the end, the almighty, the good.

God is good. All the Time.

It's a strange thing...

Today was a pretty productive day. I went to Mugar and studied from 4PM till 3AM. I've got to say, honestly, it took a lot longer than it should have but regardless, I did what I set out to do. I can't really say that I'm feeling all too ready for this Thermodynamics exam. I went through a butt load of material, but it really is difficult to grasp the concepts because a lot of it depends on subtleties... I wish I had been able to grasp these concepts while I was learning them but at this point, I'm just trying to piece together fragments of information. Everything that I've learned so far in this class is somehow interconnected and I really wish that I could get a better idea of how they are connected, but it's not necessarily happening for me.

Anyways, I watched Blood Diamond last night and felt an extremely strong conviction to join Engineers Without Borders. I saw how the movie depicted the lives of African people and the war-torn country that it was shown as and I couldn't help but wish that something could be done. What really got me was the fact that there was a photojournalist in the movie and the way she took pictures to describe and depict the pain and agony made me want to go on a trip to Africa to take pictures in the same way. Of course, I have a long way to go before I even master the art of photojournalism... but I want to master it or at least get very good at it. I want to take trips to torn countries and be able to take pictures that properly and fully display the emotions and culture that is present in those countries... to be able to depict the infinite difference between life in America and life elsewhere. I hope I can live out that kind of a dream.

That movie also motivated me to study harder. It made me realize, that in order for me to make a difference in this world, I can't just be an average student. I need to think of new ideas... be innovative. I need to see this world as a huge pool of opportunity. See the world as a compilation of materials and tools, of which I will use to create things that will better the lives of mankind. I feel like a huge effort is going out to creating sustainable products for third world countries... products that can be created and maintained in a not-so-energy-friendly environment. Energy is the biggest issue in this world... trying to find a clean, powerful and efficient source of energy. And then using that source of energy to power the world to prosperity. I wanna make a change...

I want to be an engineer...

I'm running out...

It's really shocking how easily people can be blinded from the rest of the world simply by the few things going on around their immediate vicinity. For example, for most college students, it is finals week... otherwise known as hell week... and for good reason. On a side note, I must say that I think it is pretty stupid how your entire semester's worth of effort can be dependent on a single exam at the end of it all, but that is besides the point. So, like most college students, I am currently in the midst of studying for my finals. And I cannot lie, it is a very stressful experience. Not because I have so much work, but just the weight of these exams... the fact that my passing or failing a class depends almost entirely on these one or two exams. Now, as I study for these exams, I get stressed out, depressed (mildly), bummed out, annoyed, tired, etc. And while coping with all of these emotions, I have turned a blind eye to the one thing that brings me peace and joy: Jesus. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed" (Proverbs 16:3). I've forgotten this... while furiously trying to scrap together the leftover information in my tired brain, I've come to realize that I was missing the key element that was supposed to be driving me through these finals in glorious light! I often found myself wondering... "what's the point in studying for these stupid finals? What am I supposed to learn from this?" and I still do feel bitter and angry towards finals; however, I have come to realize that all that I do is for God. My being able to study is a privilege and I need to take full advantage of that. Too bad it's nearing the "too late" point in deciding to pick it up, but it's never too late to try.

At this point, my brain is shutting off... I am so out of it and my brain is so tired that it can't really seem to function all too well anymore. I'm just rotting away (or at least that is what I feel like). I wonder if any of the information I just studied is staying in my brain and actually remaining there for good. Will this be another fail? God... just don't give me another D. I can't afford it you know? I mean, unless I'm meant to get kicked out... I just don't know what else to do but beg that you won't give me a D. Just let me graduate please... Who would have thought that I would be saying that? I used to be the kid that worried he wouldn't graduate as Valedictorian... now I'm begging desperately to just graduate... Oh how far I've stooped. It's actually kind of sad and depressing... so let's move onto other things!

Once Thursday hits... I will be done. I will simply enjoy the fact that I am free and able to do whatever the crap I want to do. Nothing will hold me back from letting loose and having fun. I hope the weather lets up so that I can at least go take some pictures and enjoy my last few days spent here in Boston before I head home for a long summer.

Anyways, back to the problem set :) Toodles!

P.S. I have a wonderful girlfriend whom I am so grateful for. Countless times, she has helped me pull through tough situations even with just small words of encouragement. Thank you Christine for being such a faithful woman of God and helping me open my eyes to the light of Christ! I really am so thankful that God has placed you into my life... you've been such a great friend to me throughout our time here at college but there is too much to thank you for, so I will end it at that.

Since when...?

I completely forgot that I even have this blog. But Christine kindly reminded me by telling me to write in the blog. But it's hard because I don't really have much going through my mind right now... or at least I can't really solidify my thoughts. But here goes on some random rambling...

So, I'm starting to realize that being in a relationship really makes you think a lot more. Things that I would normally brush off or disregard, or things that naturally wouldn't even come across my mind start to come up. And now that I think a whole lot more, I started to realize how easily I can be influenced. Isn't it funny how the little things, the small words are the ones that take you away? A simple "I miss you" or "Hi" can bring new meaning into your life. It's almost sad how much people cling onto those words... and the lengths that people go through in order for those words to become a part of their lives. People actually lose their sense of dignity and pride over those words... But I think one's longing for those words to be a part of of their lives is important under one condition: who are these words coming from? For example, if someone you are not too fond of comes by and says "I miss you", then it means little to nothing, but when your significant other or someone who is important/dear to you says those very same words, they bring joy and bliss into your life. So it's not just the words that carry the weight... it's the person that carries the weight of those words. Now, in light of this, you can also note that by seeing who's words affect you the most, you can also narrow done the people that mean the most to you. When you find yourself longing to hear such words from a person, you can pretty much tell that that person is of importance to you for whatever reason.

But with that in mind, it begs the question: "Why don't we have the same longing for God?" Why don't God's words make us long in the same way? I think it's because His words are so consistent. We get sick of consistency. We long for it all the time but we get so sick of consistency... we get tired of it, bored of it... which is why so many relationships fail after only a few months. So the fact of the matter is, we get bored of God's words... His promises... which is surprising because God is the ultimate romantic. So is there no hope? Do we simply continue living out our lives thinking that all is hopeless? Well, I've been thinking lately that maybe the reason behind our lack of desire for God is because, we don't truly understand the significance of consistency... of solidity. And I think that comes from the lack of understanding of eternity... the inability to comprehend what it means for His love to be steadfast. If we could even grasp a fraction of His steadfast love (essentially grasping the infinite), then we would be able to see why His love is such a big deal. Which I think is why God often challenges us... because we are insatiable beings because we cannot understand or comprehend the vastness of His love. So God brings challenges into our lives, so that we have something that is changing and constantly reminding us that we are in need of perfection and consistency. To remind us that His consistent love is the one thing that will bring true joy into our lives. Strange huh?

On a totally random note, I just finished the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. It was not as great as Tuesdays with Morrie but it was an interesting book nonetheless. One thing that irked me about the book though was the fact that it wasn't necessarily a Christian book. It spoke of Heaven so easily and for some reason, I felt bothered that Heaven was being described in such a way, especially because God/Jesus played little to no role at all in the book. Heaven is supposed to be all about Jesus. Now, I know it's not a Christian book... but the concept just irked me I guess... Some of the points were interesting though. It had a lot to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and of others. I think one thing people often overlook is forgiveness of self. In the book, one of the main points was that the main character lived a very mundane (if not seemingly pointless) life and he blames it all on certain events in his life... but essentially it all boils down to his inability to forgive himself... which leads to problems in the family and in his own love life. And as he is in Heaven, he learns to deal with his inner struggles and find peace within himself by learning to forgive himself for all the things he blamed himself for because everything happens with a purpose. Everything (every action, event, etc.) is intertwined in this huge web called Life. And every "mistake" was intentional... It's all an interesting concept...

Again on a random note, I watched Avengers today with all my friends (great times!) and not gonna lie, it was an amazing! movie. One of the best times I've had watching a movie... the action was great and the story line was fun. It "tickles" your inner child and makes you wish you were a superhero again. If I were to choose to be one of the Avengers, I would be Iron Man... relatively realistic with really cool supernatural twist... It almost seems attainable hahahaha.

Studying for finals has been on an all time low. It doesn't really help that I don't feel any pressure at all regarding academics... I find no reason to do well on these exams because I feel like I've learned the concepts and I don't really want to prove myself to anybody... I just want to move on with my life and learn new things. But, as with everything in this world, you need to prove yourself... and so I study... with very mild purpose in mind.

I've taken a liking towards classical music again. It's making me feel nostalgic about my classical music days. Something about classical music just excites the brain and really stimulates learning. It almost seems to stimulate life, especially the piano. I love classical piano. My dream would be to go to classical piano recital... a professional one... like at Boston Symphony Hall.

Anyways, time to sleep and dream on about life after finals. :) Good night world.
(I wonder if people still read my blog)...