Insert Title Here...

I just got back from Europe 2 days ago and it was definitely an experience. There was a lot of planning that went into the Europe Trip that my dad and I underwent and a lot of it went according to plan and a lot of it didn't (i.e. we were too tired to visit some museums). In total, we covered 8 different countries (Netherlands, Germany, France, Luxembourg, Belgium, Swtizerland, Lichtenstein and Austria). Everyday was a new thing, a new destination a new agenda. It was very tiring and mentally taxing but it was also a very refreshing experience.

As I finished up my Europe trip, I remembered just how much young American people fantasize and glorify Europe. We often dream of it as a place of romance or a place where there is character and history and hipster concepts. A place where everyone dresses well and where you would want to find love. I too used to think that way but after traveling across Europe, I have become very disillusioned about Europe to say the least. In it's own way, it is a very broken country with a lot of dark history but it also harbors a great deal of hope... hope to rebuild, hope to be better. People often dream of living in Europe... to that, I say that America really is one of the best places in the world to settle down. What I realized is that Americans have seriously become fattened and drunk on the concept of the "American Dream". As kids, we were taught to live with an attitude that if we want it, we can get it. However, since when has just the "thought" been enough to cause people to really strive for certain things. After having been taught to think and dream like a champion, we forget that in order for those dreams to become reality, we need to act.

This is most definitely not a criticism towards Americans with the only message being that Americans have turned into stupid, slobbering pigs. More so, it's a reminder to myself that this world is not all that willing to help me as I live my life. The illusion that my teachers up until now have been building has been deteriorating slowly and I am starting to see the world as it is and has been since the beginning of time. Just because I was born in America does not guarantee an easier way of life. What I started to see now, is that more than having the "American" perspective on things in life, it's essential to have a GLOBAL perspective. This world is moving so fast and information is accessible all across the world at an incomprehensible speed. It now makes what seemed like a vast world into a small area that is within "walking distance".

But how does this thinking fit into the Christian perspective? Aren't we as Christians supposed to be moving away from the worldly perspective? So isn't this basically all garbage? No. I think that by following the Christian perspective, we actually follow this kind of thinking on a much larger scale... So now, the world isn't an "area"... it's just a point on an infinite plane. Because our goal isn't understanding the way the world works... If we really follow the Christian perspective, then God puts our focus on the Kingdom... the infinite plane. And so this single point within the infinite becomes so small that it's (as mathematicians like to say)... negligible. God says, don't worry about this small point in the infinite... we get so tripped over this single point that we forget that there is a sea of infinite!

I am so guilty of this. I think this trip to Europe and getting a small taste of how infinitesimally small I am has thrown me out of whack and so my brain is fried and I am just all over the place mentally. I can't seem to get a grasp on reality and I got so shocked that I just started to think... what the heck is the point in all of this... But I failed to remember (and I am slowly being reminded) that that is why the gospel is so profound! Because despite the fact that we are such NOTHINGS in all of life... God has perfectly placed you, a mere electron in this infinite plane, exactly where he wants you and he has not forgotten your place in this vastness. In fact, more so than just remembering where you are, He is WATCHING you each and every moment you exist... and He adores you. He is so joyed by the fact that you are there... And so whenever we feel like our existence is so meaningless, remember that there is a God out there that has appointed meaning to your seemingly useless life and He can't WAIT till you see it, grasp it, and live it.

Really...?

I can really be so dumb sometimes... It amazes me.

They say people who are all brains have no common sense/"street smarts"... and vice versa...

What if you got neither. What are you then?

What the hell was that all about?...

God’s grace produces men and women with a strong family likeness to Jesus Christ, not pampered, spoiled weaklings. It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to live the worthy and excellent life of a disciple of Jesus in the realities of life. And it is always necessary for us to make an effort to live a life of worth and excellence.

Something that has been coming up a lot is the question: "Why do I keep making the same mistakes? I'm so disappointed in myself" And the more and more I pray and seek after God, I am coming to realize that God is okay with the fact that we are making the same mistakes. We are only human. But this cannot be mistaken with the fact that God still wants us to live with the mindset that we must put everything that we have into seeking after Him and doing His will. We must acknowledge our unworthiness, because it is not we who have redeemed ourselves, nor is it we who provide grace, strength, courage and salvation. God is the provider of grace and it is this very grace that turns weak people into strong men and women who are in the likeness of Christ. We have been grown and nurtured in a society where you earn your respect and earn your right to take up a significant part in this life. But God counters that and says that we have not earned anything and we cannot earn it. There is no way that we can earn grace and salvation. It was freely given not because God wanted to flaunt his awesome power... but because He wanted us to live in love. He wanted us to live free of the burdens of this world; breaking the very concept that we need to earn before we deserve.

God has been humbling me a lot these days (be careful what you pray for...). But I welcome it wearily. Being humbled by God comes at a price; your pride. It might seem like such a "1+1=2" concept, but this is something that people often hear and yet don't understand. Too often we live life like we're looking at our watches. We check the time always, yet we never know what time it is.

When God humbles you, He will BREAK you. Everyday, I am being broken... and it hurts like hell. My words mean nothing, my voice is all but mush, my thoughts are simple and foolish, and I am left as nothing but "nothingness". I'd be lying if I said that I'm having the time of my life, especially because as I am undergoing these humbling moments, I am really living out these humbling moments. As in, God is really imposing on me that I need to be humbled. And as much as I want to cry out "God, break me more and mold me into your masterpiece", I can't help but think of the pain and burning I will feel as I am thrown into the furnace for refinement. It's like when you throw ores into the fire, the pure metal gets separated from the impurities because all things have different melting points. In the same way, God will throw us into the fire as ores and we will emerge empowered by His holy flames with the ability to shake off and scrape off the impurities.

God, be my blacksmith...

Always Questions...

God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision. It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint. Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience. Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us. God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape from the Sculptor’s hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

-My Utmost for His Highest-

We had samgyupsahl again today... and seriously, I loved it. I thought I would hate it, I thought I would get sick of it... but BRING IT ON DAY 3! I really need to go to the gym and do a proper workout.. no more half mile shenanigans... 

I think I'm going to pick up swimming again as my cardio/body toning workout during the school year... depending on how committed I am... If I can keep up this workout routine and find my time to do it, then I am definitely sticking to this and doing swimming. 

I realize more and more these days... that some things, I need to loosen my grip on... some things, I just need to let go... and some things I just need to realize that I'm not there yet. Why does it take so long to get there? Why does this all take so long... Can we fast forward? No... because then, later I'm going to wish I could rewind. It's all so confusing and all so unwanted yet wanted. Can you desire one and still have the other? Are they mutually exclusive or are they just out of reach of each other, leaving one to make a choice... At this point, I would still pick the wrong one. So what do I do, when I don't necessarily desire what I should desire because technically what I don't desire will provide me more satisfaction that what I desire, and what I desire will be the end of me.... yet I still desire it. 

Questions, questions.