I watched Waiting for 'Superman' today and I must say that at the least it was a very moving documentary. I typically have a very dubious or suspicious outlook while I watch to try and catch the "twisting of facts" or the illogical statements that so conveniently leave out or highlight certain bits of information/data. But for some reason, this movie hit home pretty hard especially because I grew up in an elementary school and middle school that is similar to those in the movies. Granted, Staten Island isn't a dumpster (at least not anymore hahaha) nor is it the slums but the educational system here was a far cry from valid or even legitimate. The demographic of my elementary and middle schools was a vast majority, lower class folk and I grew up with these kids... Most of them had already known in their own heads that they were going no where in life just by the way teachers looked at them, treated them or even immediately labeled them based off of their grades.
In the midst of that crowd of endless failure-to-be's, I was a rare find along with a few other kids. But the funny thing is, no matter how much I saw the difference in the way adults treated my friends (the "failures") and me, I could not help but notice that a lot of my friends were actually geniuses in different ways. They had uncanny abilities to write poetry, to put emotion, truth, and reality into their writing. Even in the way they thought... I couldn't wrap my head around it but there was a difference and it was interesting how their logic formed and how they came to certain conclusions because it was absolutely ingenious. But it's too bad that I'm only one of few that came out with a proper education and a college degree. It's actually sad to see that happening. Such great minds... going to waste and the cycle repeating.... If only teachers could really see the potential in their children... really stir the passion in their hearts to learn and to excel in things they love!
I say this more so because as I start to think about how my life will unfold and how I would like to see my path unravel, I wonder... what are my dreams? What happened to my old dreams? What am I passionate about? And from that, job searching really became so different because I started thinking... is it really all about money? Will I really be happy even if I make a lot of money but am not passionate about what I do? I'm so young and there are endless possibilities... but we grew up in scary times. We've seen terrorist attacks at our doorstep, we've experienced economic plunges, wars... And so I think innately, I grew up in fear.... Fear that I would grow up without security... And so something in me changed and I started to find ways simply to gain security. Security. For my children, for my future wife, for my finances... For my LIFE.
But the only true security comes through Christ. So abstract, but it's starting to break me... break my foundation. Make me realize just how difficult it is to really live as a Christian and how much more difficult it gets as you keep getting older.
So in the end, I am still confused... what are my dreams? Are dreams... really just dreams? Or do they ever become reality? Should you ever justify the loss of security for the sake of following your dreams? It's a difficult world to live in... Maybe that's why parents love their children.. because maybe when you have kids, you can live through their dreams... live to see the world the way they see it... to fake yourself out into believing for a second that this world was made for dreamers. That life was made for dreams to become reality...
I hope that someday, I can help kids make their dreams turn into reality. I want to bring joy in learning. I want to see the light in their eyes, the wheels turn, the eyes wander and dream and wonder. Wonder is an amazing thing... it drives people... ultimately... it brings purpose.
Which is why I wonder at the amazing power of God. Just wonder.
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