yeah

sometimes. life just isn't fair.

But we just keep walking right? No matter how big the obstacle or how crappy the situation, in the end we always end up somewhere other than the place we began; it's just a matter of whether you're gonna move backwards or forwards...

Moving forward seems like the most logical decision but emotionally, I feel like humans tend to desire backward movement. So I guess a reasonable solution is to do what seems to be the most inhuman. But I think of all the things you can do, the most dangerous thing to do is to dismiss what is going on and what is in front of your stake. It's like having a guy about to punch you in the face and as the fist is nearing your face, you dismiss the fact that there is something coming right at you. We can't deny the fact that something is happening now cause then it just comes to bite us in the ass later. We need to be intentional about taking full advantage of whatever cards we got. If you got a blowout hand, then go with a bang! Bluff till the end and losing knowing you gave it your all... but always remember you're not in control of what hand you were given.

I just took a survey for a friend and one of the questions was "How often do you feel like you cannot control the most important things in your life" and quite frankly, the answer that popped into my head was "never...."
I never feel like I'm in control of the important things in my life. No matter how much I try to model a system to get a desired output, x(t) will never become my desired y(t).... it might end up as g(t)... or f(t)... or h(t).... Life is like a control system... except people observe things in a completely simple-minded way. We have a hard time grasping complex concepts so we simplify and approximate the control system (life) to a single input, single output model and we try to fit all the things that happen in life into this little model and then get frustrated because things don't make sense. But I feel like life is a multi-input, multi-output system where the transfer function is just something that we could never comprehend and so we have NO idea how things came out the way they did. God works in weird and strange ways... and we just can't grasp it... but all control systems are under control.... and so the desired output will come out with certain degrees of error depending on how willing we are to submit to Him.

Late night babbles.