So I decided to start my own blog and keep up with it for once instead of writing every once in a while on Tumblr. Something about Tumblr just doesn't sit well with me... it's more for creeping, not being creeped on...
The point of this blog is to just relay my feelings, my thoughts and my random (and often pointless) musings.
Now, to start it all off I must write about the happenings of this new year. Lectures, lectures, lectures, lectures. I've been getting bombed with one lecture after the other. Maybe this is all a foreshadow of what is to come this year: lectures. For some time I've been realizing that my character really sucks. I don't give a crap about anything going on around me and I just live to do what I gotta do. I've been on a steady decline ever since I started junior year in terms of my character and the worst part is that I just don't care enough to change it. I am so satisfied with where I am because all that matters to me right now is my studies. I am so engrossed in my studies that I have thrown out all care for other things in my life. I got into a semi-heated argument with my sister about how I don't listen and how it's so difficult to teach me things because I always have something to say back, something to explain. And this is true. I do not deny it. I am a terrible listener and I have so much work to do on my listening but I just don't care enough to change it. It bothers me but then I don't encounter enough situations where I am required to listen because I just distance myself from people. The only voice I can listen to is my own. So after a semester of hearing my own voice and my own reason, all I can do is shut out people more effectively. I really need to fix it. I love my sister to death for having mentioned it and for even still having the care to say something but I just don't want to fix it. I want it to change, but I don't like trying to change it. I like to listen... I wish I were better at it because it's enjoyable to listen but I just suck at taking constructive criticism. I guess if I had one new year's resolution, it would be to become a listener and not a talker. Listeners get so much further in life... I already know I can talk for hours... but life opens up when you can learn to listen. Life doesn't become just about giving, it becomes all about gaining.
Someone be patient enough to teach me how to listen. Force me to listen. Everyday my ears are tuning into this world and tuning out God. Something's gotta change... or someone?
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