food for thought...

"you need to keep negating the present... with the message of future glory"

A counter to your current sufferings. Fight the good fight. Be Humbled.
Approach Him face. down.

FACE. DOWN.

Romans 8:18-30

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

-- edit -- 
Key :: "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." --

Too often, I've been looking to put hope into what I can see... but if I already see it, there is no need for hope because it is already provided for or guaranteed. But if we place "hope" into what we do not see, it is then that we actually hope in it. Because we know whole-heartedly and humbly that it is not guaranteed... 

Things in this world (even if we hope in them) are fleeting and not guaranteed. But, things of The Kingdom... these are guaranteed. We cannot see it. But we need to keep telling ourselves, convincing ourselves, making ourselves believe that such things are guaranteed. Because if we fail to do so, then we fail to see the true necessity of hope. We begin to start believing that we were capable of reaching the unreachable from the start. And thus we turn our hopeless situation into utter failure. 

There are two types of failure... 1. Prideful Failure and 2. Humble Failure.
1 -- Prideful Failure stems from a mindset believing that we are entitled to earn something. The mind believes that the set goal is reachable as long as one is determined enough and suitable for success (success being loosely defined). 
2 -- Humble Failure stems from a completely broken and perfectly/gloriously humiliated soul. This kind of failure results in one becoming so in touch with the reality of their situation. They begin to realize and fully comprehend that they are literally, physically, mentally and spiritually incapable in any/every way. We realize that we were cripples from the start. 

I pray that we all reach and seek Humble Failure and in turn, seek after Christ with insurmountable and desperate hunger, desire and rage. Amen. 

Unforgettable... (4/15/2013)

I don't usually post things on tumblr... but I guess today really is just one of those days.

Today was supposed to be a lot of things. Marathon Monday. Patriot's Day. Potential "YOLO" Day. I originally made plans to go see the marathon in the morning and cheer the first group on and then hit a bunch of pubs and just enjoy a typical marathon monday. 

But I woke up late, because I went to bed late. I started off the day regretting my decision to sleep in a bit but still I slowly got myself out of bed, showered and quickly head out to see the craziness of the marathon with intentions to study at a cafe instead. 

Kyungshick and I got to Copley and walked around, squeezing through crowds of people and even seeing the occasional runner walking with loved ones or just looking to reunite. We planned to watch the marathon and cheer people on for a bit and then eventually head to a local coffee shop and just grab some coffee/do our work... but we just couldn't get through to the other side of the street due to road blockages and the marathon route... so we ended up walking all the way down to Arlington St. and we just walked to Thinking Cup while minding our own business and enjoying the quiet day. I still remember admiring the runners for having accomplished such a great feat... pushing the limits of their bodies and completing the unthinkable... I found myself thinking of people as beautiful things... full of surprises and energy. But the biggest surprise was just around the corner...

While at Thinking Cup and complaining about the lack of wifi... I get a call from Wes (assuming he wanted to meet me)... the conversation went something like this: 

Wes: Danny! Where are you? (yelling and screaming in the background... which later I realized was not of joy but of distress and fear)

Me: Thinking Cup... doing some work, whatsup?

Wes: OKAY.... good..... did you see the news?? Get out now. Bombs went off at the Finish Line... get back to campus! 

Confusion followed and I simply got up and walked away. Kyungshick and I didn't really know what to think... or even if we were supposed to believe it. We walked through Boston Commons searching for a cab... but while walking, I couldn't help but become more and more paranoid. It was like those scenes in movies... everyone was oblivious... no one knew yet that the bomb had gone off... so kids are playing, parents laughing, people enjoying their quiet days. But my mind couldn't help but think: "any one of these people could be wired with a bomb right now.... anything in this area could potentially blow up"... As I kept walking, I got more and more paranoid, giving people strange looks, becoming overly aware of potentially threatening gestures or even looks. 

We finally hailed a cab and even still, I thought: "what if the cab driver is a terrorist... what if I just happened to get into the wrong cab" 

Honestly speaking, I didn't feel fear. It was pure adrenaline. I was in survival mode and I was readying myself for the worst. Thankfully, we got home fine and then that's when it all started sinking in. Throughout the day, I slowly started to digest what happened and even though I wasn't there, even seeing what had happened on TV just made me feel sick to my stomach. 

I'm still a little shaken but so thankful. Even if I were 10 minutes behind schedule... I could have been a victim. A mere 10 minutes... 600 seconds was what kept me from real danger and threat. God gently pushed me away from Copley... I literally tiptoed past death with nothing but a whisper and by the grace of God I was kept just far enough. I don't know what it was in me but I just didn't want to stay at Copley to watch people cross... And it was that very gut instinct that kept me from being inches away from an explosion that has become one of the greatest tragedies in recent Boston history. 

I am so thankful for Wes who even thought to give me a call and for all of you who have texted me from all over to make sure I was OK. But most of all, I am so thankful that God has kept a shield over my friends and kept them safe even if by just a few feet. It was great news to know everyone was alive and well. 

Let us continue to keep Boston in our prayers, especially those who do not have the privilege to say that their loved ones are alive and/or well. 

Open Water.

The ocean floor begins to disappear
I sense that terrible depth
The open water is my only fear
but I'll sail as long as I still have breath in me

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you
cause it gives, and it takes away

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember when things were simple in life?

I can barely distinguish "suckiness" from "life" anymore. It all just blends in and then I lose grasp of the gospel.

Life just makes you want to give up. And that's just truth. It's not pessimism. It's just life.

but I'll sail as long as I still have breath in me - 

How do people remain so hopeful in life when situations tell them to just stop putting hope into anything?
Is it just naivety? Is it just a hopeless wishing? Is it the same as the concept of hopeless romantics?

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But what is the sugar in this metaphor? Where is this sugar provided? And it takes a lot of sugar to counter the pure sourness of lemons. I conclude it's a pretty stupid metaphor. Just sayin'.

"OnedayitwillALLmakeSense"...







WHEN.

Money.

Romans 12:4-8

4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

"... so we though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of of another..." 

Money.

Just say it like it is...

I've been having a lot of thoughts on friendships and relationships in general lately. People are fascinating creatures... they're like puzzles. Except it's impossible to figure them out fully... there are always so many unknown variables. It's like trying to solve a multi-variable equation... If you were to compare life experiences to equations and the way humans act or think as variables.... then you can easily say that there are too many variables and too few equations... you just can't solve the equation, you can only hypothesize.

I think my biggest fear for coming out of college is realizing that I don't have friends. I don't want to come out of college and notice that I am friendless... that the people I thought were my best friends actually end up disappearing into the world and just become a faint memory. We all will go our separate ways, but will we keep in contact? Will we be intentional? Will I have the strength to continue being intentional or will I grow quickly tired of unintentional friends and just decide to drop it all and just live the way a lot of people live... married to work. I'm scared of losing my soul coming out of college. I'm scared to stop caring about things because I'm "too busy" or "too tired". I don't want to become a soulless man who does nothing but works and pays the bills on time. So most people would chime in that you can have relationships or marriage and get kids and whatnot. But as a Christian, I just can't drop the idea that Christ is supposed to be my fulfillment in life. So let's just say marriage isn't the end-goal in life. Let's just say that we don't see marriage as the ultimate form of intimate relationships... then what? We have nothing. We live pathetic lives. We build up an ego of nobility in our ability to perform well in this world (i.e. paying the bills on time, having a good credit score, having the latest of everything....). But it's all so fleeting. So some people rely on other things, like alcohol or drugs. And honestly, I can't deny that substances do provide that senseless pleasure. They give you a momentary relaxant to keep you just off the edge.

I wonder where I would end up after college. I want to stay home because then I can save so much money, but I don't want to end up in Staten Island again. I only like being here to get away from life... to be alone. But to socialize here... to meet people here. It feels like I'm choking. It's suffocating here. I hate it.

Part of me wants to leave college and cut all ties so I can start all over and hope that I won't make the same mistakes, but it's hard to just drop the friendships I built over the course of college. But I can't help but wonder... how close am I really to these people? Do they consider me their best friends? Is college just an illusion of a life that we all wish we had and then when we graduate, just forget and walk away? What exactly does being a friend entail? What do you do in situations where friendships are not reciprocated? Do you fight for them? Do you just drop it with the thought that you were just not meant to be friends?

Friendships are so complicated... if people thought less about themselves and more about the other person, then things would go so well. People would actually mutually love one another. But most friendships are so one-sided. People just receive and don't give back... and what's worse is that people just don't realize.

I mean... how blind could you be? It's not so hard to realize that you really suck at being a friend.

So I still wonder... what does it mean to be a good friend unto others? Are you really supposed to keep pushing even though it sucks and even though you feel tired and just can't seem to get yourself to care anymore? When things just suck that badly, don't most people just stop caring? That's what I do.

And why do we all try to teach each other how things are in life? Why can't we sometimes just listen for the sake of listening and take things for what they are? I feel like when people share, the listeners are trying more to change the mindset or way of thinking of the speaker because we feel like we know more than the other. But most people don't know crap about the other person... we can only trust what the other says. So why not be more intentional with your words. Say what you feel. Be real. Why try to be a certain way? Why say things you don't mean? It's just a waste of breathe.

I don't know... a lot of things running through my mind, so little time to figure things out before it's too late. What do I do? Where do I go? What am I supposed to believe?

what do you do...

What do you do in that moment when you stop recognizing yourself?

When you realize that you're not who you say you are?

When you realize you're not who you convinced yourself you are?

When you realize that you're so broken that you just act a fool and shrug it off?

When you realize that God is so far away from your heart that you've forgotten the feeling of grace?

When you realize how much you hate the image you portray?

When you realize that people look at you differently?

...

When you have fallen so low that "go to God" just doesn't seem to cut it anymore?

Digital Sea...

I woke, cold and alone
Adrift in an open sea
Caught up in regrets
And tangled in nets
Instead of your arms wrapped around me
And I wept, but my tears are anathema here
Just more water to fill my lungs
I hear someone scream
"God what is it we have done?"

I am drowning in a digital sea
I am slipping beneath the sound
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros
I'm slipping beneath the sound

A song from somewhere below
Deadly and slow begins
Both sickly and sweet
Now picking up speed
Ushering in the world's end
And the ghost of Descartes screams again in the dark
"Oh how could I have been so wrong?"
But above the screams the sirens sing their song

I am drowning in a digital sea
I am slipping beneath the sound
Here my voices goes to ones and zeros
I'm slipping beneath the sound

Here my voice goes to ones and zeros