Hashtag - Toilet Diaries...

It has been far too long since I've been able to write in this blog... as is with all mediocre and "enthusiast" bloggers, I will start up again and attempt at maintaining interest in my own personal for more than 15 minutes a day.

Time is definitely fleeting. Just a few minutes ago, it was Monday. And here we are again on a Sunday night Monday morning with me dreading the drive to work as well as the endless number of tickets and phone calls and customers complaining about how their issues are more important than the next... *queue tiniest violin in the world*.

Anyway, let me get back to watching an episode of "House of Cards" before going to bed and regretting every minute of it as I decide to kill another hour of potential sleep. Oh.. sweet sweet sleep - such a rarity in which words cannot even begin to describe just how succulent it is as an entity.

Goodnight Yall. Keep it real.

The Pursuit of God :: Update 2

 The Pursuit of God :: Chapter 3

He [God] is immutable, which means that He has never changed and can never change in any smallest measure. To change He would need to go from better to worse or from worse to better. He cannot do either, for being perfect He cannot become more perfect, and if He were to become less perfect He would be less than God. 

Amazing. A perfect depiction of Him. The immovable rock. The unchanging. The consistent. The stable. I love it.

The Pursuit of God (Chpt. 1)

This is a response to Chapter 1 of The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer (Credits to Gkray for recommending this book).

All social intercourse between human beings is a response of personality to personality, grading upward from the most casual brush between man and man to the fullest, most intimate communion of which the human soul is capable. Religion, so far as it is genuine, is in essence the response of created personalities to the Creating Personality, God ... ... ... Being made in His image we have within us the capacity to know Him. In our sins we lack only the power. 

The Paradox of Love
We taste Thee, O Thou Living Bread,  
And long to feast upon Thee still:
We drink of Thee, the Fountainhead
And thirst our souls from Thee to fill. 

Everything is made to center upon the initial act of 'accepting' Christ (a term, incidentally, which is not found in the Bible) and we are not expected thereafter to crave any further revelation of God to our souls. We have been snared in the coils of a spurious logic which insists that if we have found Him we need no more seek Him ... 

 Every age has its own characteristics. Right now we are in an age of religious complexity. The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found among us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations and a world of nervous activities which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart. The shallowness of our inner experience, the hollowness of our worship, and the servile imitation of the world which marks our promotional methods all testify that we, in this day, know God only imperfectly, and the peace of God scarcely at all. 

The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One all satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever.  

This man has a way with words. That last bit is so money. Enjoy my very scarce (if not non-existent) followers!

Dreams are... dreams...

I watched Waiting for 'Superman' today and I must say that at the least it was a very moving documentary. I typically have a very dubious or suspicious outlook while I watch to try and catch the "twisting of facts" or the illogical statements that so conveniently leave out or highlight certain bits of information/data. But for some reason, this movie hit home pretty hard especially because I grew up in an elementary school and middle school that is similar to those in the movies. Granted, Staten Island isn't a dumpster (at least not anymore hahaha) nor is it the slums but the educational system here was a far cry from valid or even legitimate. The demographic of my elementary and middle schools was a vast majority, lower class folk and I grew up with these kids... Most of them had already known in their own heads that they were going no where in life just by the way teachers looked at them, treated them or even immediately labeled them based off of their grades.

In the midst of that crowd of endless failure-to-be's, I was a rare find along with a few other kids. But the funny thing is, no matter how much I saw the difference in the way adults treated my friends (the "failures") and me, I could not help but notice that a lot of my friends were actually geniuses in different ways. They had uncanny abilities to write poetry, to put emotion, truth, and reality into their writing. Even in the way they thought... I couldn't wrap my head around it but there was a difference and it was interesting how their logic formed and how they came to certain conclusions because it was absolutely ingenious. But it's too bad that I'm only one of few that came out with a proper education and a college degree. It's actually sad to see that happening. Such great minds... going to waste and the cycle repeating.... If only teachers could really see the potential in their children... really stir the passion in their hearts to learn and to excel in things they love!


I say this more so because as I start to think about how my life will unfold and how I would like to see my path unravel, I wonder... what are my dreams? What happened to my old dreams? What am I passionate about? And from that, job searching really became so different because I started thinking... is it really all about money? Will I really be happy even if I make a lot of money but am not passionate about what I do? I'm so young and there are endless possibilities... but we grew up in scary times. We've seen terrorist attacks at our doorstep, we've experienced economic plunges, wars... And so I think innately, I grew up in fear.... Fear that I would grow up without security... And so something in me changed and I started to find ways simply to gain security. Security. For my children, for my future wife, for my finances... For my LIFE.

But the only true security comes through Christ. So abstract, but it's starting to break me... break my foundation. Make me realize just how difficult it is to really live as a Christian and how much more difficult it gets as you keep getting older.

So in the end, I am still confused... what are my dreams? Are dreams... really just dreams? Or do they ever become reality? Should you ever justify the loss of security for the sake of following your dreams? It's a difficult world to live in... Maybe that's why parents love their children.. because maybe when you have kids, you can live through their dreams... live to see the world the way they see it... to fake yourself out into believing for a second that this world was made for dreamers. That life was made for dreams to become reality...

I hope that someday, I can help kids make their dreams turn into reality. I want to bring joy in learning. I want to see the light in their eyes, the wheels turn, the eyes wander and dream and wonder. Wonder is an amazing thing... it drives people... ultimately... it brings purpose.

Which is why I wonder at the amazing power of God. Just wonder.

Waiting, waiting waiting... joyfully?

Lately, a lot of things in life are requiring me to wait... But waiting is an arbitrary term.... We're often taught in church of two types of waiting: Active Waiting and Passive Waiting. Actively waiting is to "wait" on the Lord and to wait for Him to direct you as you continue to live on life and make decisions whereas passively waiting is to halt a decision that needs to be made in order that you can fully hear God's divine intervention and calling.

I'm in a period of my life where there is a lot of waiting that needs to happen. I need to wait to hear back for jobs, or wait till it's the right time to apply (in some cases). And in this case, people are especially weak because we either become lazy and thus "quit" waiting or become absolutely restless because we feel the need to make decisions now. And thus it becomes an issue for me when I try to explain my situation... I am waiting... because I want to figure out what exactly I want to do with my life... I am meditating, planning, thinking quite a bit... but I'm most definitely not being lazy. The problem is that it's difficult to explain all of that in a short sentence (just long enough to maintain their attention) without going on this elongated story that neither I want to tell nor does the listener really care enough to hear.

But in all other cases, waiting kills me. I think it kills me because I am at a complete standstill. I don't know what to feel, think, do. I just sit here idly... confused by my mind and heart. It's a confusing state and it's frustrating. But I feel that God is calling me to be silent and listen. To seek first the Kingdom. To desire Him above all else. More than a job, money, security, a girl, etc. I need to find delight in Him. But man does it suck and it's hard. When I read or hear about stories in the bible of people who've waited 40 years... or generations... I wonder.. how the hell do they do that? And then I realize... and remember... that it's because the Good News... the story of redemption, the revealing of God's promise for that time or the future times is just that good. That it's worth waiting decades for... centuries for... lifetimes for. It's foolishness in the public's eye... but our eyes are foolish and blind. And foolish sightings of a blind man are void anyway.

God, give me sight to see just how amazing you are. A few years as a sojourner are nothing in comparison to the immense riches that await me once I come back Home. Give me the patience to wait it out a bit longer and to find joy while waiting. As things come together, may I continue to give you joy and delight in what you have blessed me with.

food for thought...

"you need to keep negating the present... with the message of future glory"

A counter to your current sufferings. Fight the good fight. Be Humbled.
Approach Him face. down.

FACE. DOWN.

Romans 8:18-30

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

-- edit -- 
Key :: "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." --

Too often, I've been looking to put hope into what I can see... but if I already see it, there is no need for hope because it is already provided for or guaranteed. But if we place "hope" into what we do not see, it is then that we actually hope in it. Because we know whole-heartedly and humbly that it is not guaranteed... 

Things in this world (even if we hope in them) are fleeting and not guaranteed. But, things of The Kingdom... these are guaranteed. We cannot see it. But we need to keep telling ourselves, convincing ourselves, making ourselves believe that such things are guaranteed. Because if we fail to do so, then we fail to see the true necessity of hope. We begin to start believing that we were capable of reaching the unreachable from the start. And thus we turn our hopeless situation into utter failure. 

There are two types of failure... 1. Prideful Failure and 2. Humble Failure.
1 -- Prideful Failure stems from a mindset believing that we are entitled to earn something. The mind believes that the set goal is reachable as long as one is determined enough and suitable for success (success being loosely defined). 
2 -- Humble Failure stems from a completely broken and perfectly/gloriously humiliated soul. This kind of failure results in one becoming so in touch with the reality of their situation. They begin to realize and fully comprehend that they are literally, physically, mentally and spiritually incapable in any/every way. We realize that we were cripples from the start. 

I pray that we all reach and seek Humble Failure and in turn, seek after Christ with insurmountable and desperate hunger, desire and rage. Amen. 

Unforgettable... (4/15/2013)

I don't usually post things on tumblr... but I guess today really is just one of those days.

Today was supposed to be a lot of things. Marathon Monday. Patriot's Day. Potential "YOLO" Day. I originally made plans to go see the marathon in the morning and cheer the first group on and then hit a bunch of pubs and just enjoy a typical marathon monday. 

But I woke up late, because I went to bed late. I started off the day regretting my decision to sleep in a bit but still I slowly got myself out of bed, showered and quickly head out to see the craziness of the marathon with intentions to study at a cafe instead. 

Kyungshick and I got to Copley and walked around, squeezing through crowds of people and even seeing the occasional runner walking with loved ones or just looking to reunite. We planned to watch the marathon and cheer people on for a bit and then eventually head to a local coffee shop and just grab some coffee/do our work... but we just couldn't get through to the other side of the street due to road blockages and the marathon route... so we ended up walking all the way down to Arlington St. and we just walked to Thinking Cup while minding our own business and enjoying the quiet day. I still remember admiring the runners for having accomplished such a great feat... pushing the limits of their bodies and completing the unthinkable... I found myself thinking of people as beautiful things... full of surprises and energy. But the biggest surprise was just around the corner...

While at Thinking Cup and complaining about the lack of wifi... I get a call from Wes (assuming he wanted to meet me)... the conversation went something like this: 

Wes: Danny! Where are you? (yelling and screaming in the background... which later I realized was not of joy but of distress and fear)

Me: Thinking Cup... doing some work, whatsup?

Wes: OKAY.... good..... did you see the news?? Get out now. Bombs went off at the Finish Line... get back to campus! 

Confusion followed and I simply got up and walked away. Kyungshick and I didn't really know what to think... or even if we were supposed to believe it. We walked through Boston Commons searching for a cab... but while walking, I couldn't help but become more and more paranoid. It was like those scenes in movies... everyone was oblivious... no one knew yet that the bomb had gone off... so kids are playing, parents laughing, people enjoying their quiet days. But my mind couldn't help but think: "any one of these people could be wired with a bomb right now.... anything in this area could potentially blow up"... As I kept walking, I got more and more paranoid, giving people strange looks, becoming overly aware of potentially threatening gestures or even looks. 

We finally hailed a cab and even still, I thought: "what if the cab driver is a terrorist... what if I just happened to get into the wrong cab" 

Honestly speaking, I didn't feel fear. It was pure adrenaline. I was in survival mode and I was readying myself for the worst. Thankfully, we got home fine and then that's when it all started sinking in. Throughout the day, I slowly started to digest what happened and even though I wasn't there, even seeing what had happened on TV just made me feel sick to my stomach. 

I'm still a little shaken but so thankful. Even if I were 10 minutes behind schedule... I could have been a victim. A mere 10 minutes... 600 seconds was what kept me from real danger and threat. God gently pushed me away from Copley... I literally tiptoed past death with nothing but a whisper and by the grace of God I was kept just far enough. I don't know what it was in me but I just didn't want to stay at Copley to watch people cross... And it was that very gut instinct that kept me from being inches away from an explosion that has become one of the greatest tragedies in recent Boston history. 

I am so thankful for Wes who even thought to give me a call and for all of you who have texted me from all over to make sure I was OK. But most of all, I am so thankful that God has kept a shield over my friends and kept them safe even if by just a few feet. It was great news to know everyone was alive and well. 

Let us continue to keep Boston in our prayers, especially those who do not have the privilege to say that their loved ones are alive and/or well.